Working on Increasing Flexibility

I had to go to a long boring meeting today. One that required a two hour drive each way, then sitting through about three hours of a woman reading a 36 page document aloud. It was joyous. Not.

Parking for this particular facility sucks. We had to park a few blocks away and walk. I was with two other ladies, both apparently much further along the fitness continuum than I. Because I tell you, when we finally got into the meeting, my lungs were burning. I really thought I was about to collapse. Now, granted, the last portion of this walk was up a major hill. MAJOR. I was wearing heeled boots. I was bundled up and carrying my purse and a portfolio. We were late, so we were walking pretty fast.

Still, these women were fine. What is wrong with me?

So, when I arrived home exhausted both mentally and physically, I felt that it was in my best interest to go to yoga anyway. I mean, the only way to not feel this horrible in the future is to make myself go work out even when I don't feel like it. Right?

I changed my clothes and went right back out again to the community center. And when I walked up to the desk to pay, I was told that yoga was canceled. CANCELED?! Can you do that? I don't think you can. Because I say you can't.

I mean, I summoned a lot of gumption to get myself here. It was hard. But I did it. And now you tell me there will be no downward dog? No tree pose? Most importantly, no final relaxation? Not cool.

But, since I'd dragged myself there anyway, I decided to go ahead and walk on the track, at least for my 20 minutes. Which turned into 30. Then 45. And as I walked, I composed these brief "love notes" in my mind:


Dear Absent Yoga Teacher,

I love you. You know I do. But how could you do this to me? This not showing up for class thing? I don't like it.

However, maybe you are working with The Universe to teach me another type of flexibility today. I think I'm learning. So, for that, I thank you.

Your Bendy Student


Dear Woman I Followed on Lap 5,

Why do you look like you have a tail?

Oh, wait! Those are strings. Like from your pants. Where did you find workout pants that tie in the back?

Oh, wait! They don't tie in the back. You have your pants on backwards. Why do you have your pants on backwards?

Thank you for reminding me to be grateful that I have the sort of body that would make comfortably wearing my pants backwards impossible.

Your Forward Thinking Gym Mate


Dear Teenage Boy I Followed on Lap 13,

I didn't think much of it when you sprinted past me. You're what? Sixteen? You should be running past a 38-year-old woman who's worked all day.

I didn't think much of it when you passed me again. But I have to admit, you caught my attention when you ran past me a third time, and then spontaneously jumped up, mid stride, and touched the nine-foot-high ceiling.

My first thought was, "I wish I were taller." My second thought was, "Wait, that's unrealistic. I can't become any taller. But I do wish I had enough energy to feel the need to spontaneously jump up and try to touch the ceiling in the midst of running my third mile."

Your Slightly Older and Much Shorter Track Buddy


Dear Prince,

I'm beginning to get the feeling this song, "Little Red Corvette" isn't about a car. You're a dirty little purple man.

I'd like to think that a creatively inclined man would like to write a song about me sometime. However, I tend to think that if you were to write a song comparing my body to a vehicle, it would likely be called, "Little Red Volkswagen."

Still, this is a good song. I think I shall feature it in my blog's Most Awesome Song I Heard While Working Out Today. Sometimes a song can be great for working out to, simply because it makes me happy. And being happy while I work out is a good thing. Besides, while EG and I love us some Olivia, (and she's been featured here before) you sir, are Regina's Olivia. (And yes, Dear Readers, this is probably the only place you will ever find Prince likened to Olivia Newton-John in any way.)

The Blogger Formerly Known as Janet