Saturday, January 23, 2010

Choose A Size Already

(also known as the post called “My Boobs Are Out of Control”)

Okay, so let's talk. Boobs are kind of a pain. Let's just take your normal average boobs. They can be so sore that you want to punch someone for just looking too close. They can alert others to your personal interpretation of the weather and they always seem to do this at the most inconvenient times. (As an aside, this action burns 3 calories, so it always makes me smile.) They get in the way – stomach sleeping has never been the same since they appeared. And they don't move in graceful manners or even in the same direction as the rest of your body when in motion.

As if this was not enough – they won't commit to a size. They are not thoughtful- like your feet, for example. Until I had a child, I had the same shoe size since 4th grade. Feet are nice like that. Boobs – they can grow in number, grow in cup size, or grow in fruit proportions (grapes to grapefruit). During my yo-yo weight days, I have gone from a C to an A to DD.

I am sorry to say, that I've kind of given up. I plan to lose weight. I want to lose weight. I know, from history, that WHEN this happens I will go down to a lower size. So why would I want to spend the time, energy, and money on a size that I'm not planning to stay at very long? So, because of this – I've been living in a sports bra for way longer than any non-athletic lady should. It's embarrassing to do the math, and I honestly can't say how long it's been going on.

A few months ago, I did break down and buy some “real” bras. I just hadn't been comfortable in the size C's – and that was when I discovered that I'd graduated to a size DD. Ick. I miss the A's. And if it's not bad enough to be a DD - I'm one of those odd ducks that has a smaller number than most stores carry in the DD series.

And you can argue, but I think that A's and B's are perfect. I refer to them as the “why bother” sizes. You can totally skip the bra all together. The boobs stay in place. They do not seem to be having a battle with gravity. They are pretty easy to manage. And yet there is enough to offer physical proof that you are of the female variety.

I could open a Victoria Secret bra shop out of my dresser – and there would be a little something for everyone. And bra's are not really something that you want to shop for at a thrift store / goodwill – which is sometimes a strategy when you are on your way down in sizes. It just makes me nutty. It's exciting to get to buy a new pair of jeans in a smaller size – but a bra? I have not yet met the bra that makes me smile. And let's just talk about the whole bra shopping / fitting process – another source this is the antithesis of joy.

So there it is, my secret bra aggravations – maybe someday they will make a weight loss bra – one that decreases ever so slightly in size with you? Or maybe I should go on record as saying that is officially my idea. Or maybe someone will develop a bra swap – where you can get rid of the wrong sizes in exchange for the new sizes? You know – that whole geisha bonding thing isn't sounding half bad – and I think that Ace bandages come in sizes – but not in CUP sizes. Could that be the sound of progress? Feel free to share your own boob frustrations / tips / discipline techniques – together we can tame the wild beasts.

4 comments:

Janet said...

Yay! Finally the "My Boobs are Out of Control" post! I can relate 100%, and my boobs too are out of control. Though I'm not really sure when mine ever were IN control. I too have a vast array of bra sizes in my posession, and many of them are too pretty/too expensive for me to want to give them away. I refuse to give up on the idea that someday I will fit them again.

Adie said...

I can relate with you on this. Its crazy how they grow and shrink then grow again. I really really hate mine. DDD SUCKS!

Karen said...

I haven't been an A since I was 10. I HATE it. Although I do get really cute bras at Lane Bryant and they always fit so perfectly. It just sucks how expensive they are.

Katherine said...

If I lose weight, the first place I notice it is in my bra. After having my two kids, I settled into a size C. I'm relatively happy with it, although I have a whole drawer of incredibly cute Bs that I am hanging onto...for when I lose the weight. Of course.