Unruly Helpmeet just shared with me that today's date is 01022010, which is a palindrome (the same backwards and forwards). I don't know what that has to do with my post, but I thought I'd share that little tidbit with you all.
I planned to officially weigh-in this morning and update my ticker with my 2010 starting weight, but, I woke up with a horrible stomach ache that hasn't really gone away. And just now, I stepped on the scale, but I refuse to use that as my "official" weight, because, really, who weighs themselves at 7:41 in the evening and counts that? Maybe we'll do that tomorrow instead.
I have, however, been thinking seriously about my weight loss goals, and how I plan to reach them. I've been doing a lot of self-reflection lately, probably because I've been off work for two weeks, going through major life changes with my boyfriend (in a good way, he's moving in soon!), and the holidays tend to bring up all that family drama we all cherish. (Care to read about my step-mother telling me multiple times yesterday that I'm fat?)
What I've come to is this: I, like many people, have this crazy notion that if only I could lose weight and be thin, I'd feel better about myself. When the truth is, until I start to feel good about myself, I won't lose weight. I've got it backwards. I think a lot of us do.
So, rather than choosing a diet to follow, rather than joining a new gym, rather than eliminating entire categories of food from my diet, I've decided that my goal for 2010 is to love myself and be happy. Now, if I can just figure out how to do that, I'll have it made. (When I figure it out, I'll let you know.)
Seriously, I have a few ideas. One of which is to spend more quiet time alone thinking about what will make me happy. But, I have a few concrete things in mind too. Some are superficial, like doing my nails more often. Some are practical, like buying and wearing nice clothes that fit me, now, in this body. Some are fitness related, like doing yoga at least once (preferably twice) per week. Some are interpersonal and involve avoiding toxic people whenever I can. (I couldn't yesterday.)
I'm not trying to say that I can love myself, and eat cookie dough for supper, and watch the pounds drop away. I just truly think that if I love myself, I won't so much want to eat cookie dough for supper. Know what I mean? And I know one thing for sure. Negative emotions don't motivate me. Listening to SM tell me yesterday how fat I am only made me want more cookies. So, it follows that telling myself I'm fat won't help either.
So that's my plan. My goal for 2010 is to take better care of myself, physically and emotionally, because I'm worth it. So are you.
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