I've Fallen Off and Been Run Over - by the Wagon!

In summary, September has been a little crazy -almost like I've been sucked into a black hole. Regardless of my non-stop, insane paced, attention to putting my house (and therefore the rest of my life) back into tidy order - my weight and my house are not showing the results.

I have had some successes (meager as they seem when I'm looking at the scale). I did make my trip to the bread store to stock up and did not buy even one snack cake (single or box variety)! I have discovered an easy way to enable my love for eating kiwi (cut in half and scoop out with a spoon- no more peeling! pure joy!). I have been fairly active at home - no "pure exercise" but running around cleaning is burning more calories than sitting so in my book it counts! And I do believe that I have avoided visiting any fast food chain for several weeks (though I think of you fondly and often). And now - for the failures, er, I mean challenges...

First, I discovered cookies and cream candy bars. Yum (though I soon discovered that they had trans fats in them- so I have since broken up with them). Reese's added a dark chocolate variety to their menu - yum. My son and my husband have birthdays this month - which involves food. Work has been in overdrive, and I've got so many personal projects waiting in line that I've just been spinning my wheels and getting no where. It's like there is not enough of me to go around - if I choose to appease my creative side, I fall behind on my life responsibilities. If I choose to work on un-cluttering, I'm soon drowning in day to day chores (like laundry - is there a support group for that?).

I thought all the stressful wear and tear was doing me good - you may recall the sudden plunge in pounds a while back. But no, all those pounds returned. Clearly, moderation is a concept that I have not mastered - in life or on my plate. So - what to do? I'm going to have to practice "realistic expectation" - which I (for the record) HATE! I'm going to make reasonable to-do lists (or at least MORE reasonable) and I'm going to try to recruit family members in some projects. (Mental note - I will have to then actually let them DO those projects without me micro-managing, criticizing, or re-doing them.) In short, I need to not only let go of the pounds and the stuff, but also the idea of perfection, control and quick fixes.

Which leads me to my "deer in the headlights" moment. Each year, we have a health assessment at work- they track BMI, weight, cholesterol, etc. Last year - I set the very reasonable goal of trimming down some weight. Well - they will be here again in a month and I will be hanging my head in shame that not only did I NOT trim any of that weight - but I took that number and GREW that much more. Yeah me! I am completely aware - that I feel overwhelmed and when I feel that way, the LAST thing I want to do is take "me time". So I'd be lying if I didn't admit that part of me wants to go on some insane crash diet - just to save face at this upcoming deadline. But I really don't have that kind of will power and I'd really like to not do something unhealthy just to have it undone a few weeks after I return to normal behavior.

So I'm really considering taking Janet's approach- taking baby steps (which is all I've been doing all along). This week - I'll focus on my to do list, doing one set of push ups at the desk and either committing to taking a 15 min walk during my break (which I will have to force myself to take) or with the pudgy poochies / son during the evening. That's not a lot - but at least it's a conscious decision to take steps in the right direction...surely the scale will reward me? So - I'm officially climbing back on the wagon and holding on tight! Wish me luck!