This is New

My underwear is too big.

I haven't weighed since I've been on this new health kick, because I know that derails me.  I can be on a super path, doing all the right things, and then I'll step on the scale, get discouraged, and stop.

So I purposely haven't done it.  The doctor weighed me back in July, and I was horrified at the number.  Higher than it had ever been in my life.  I adjusted my little ticker accordingly the other day, but I haven't stepped on a scale since.

I haven't really noticed a lot of difference in my clothes, but then that could be because I work from home and tend to wear sweats about 95% of the time.  (Herein may lie part of the original problem.)  But I did have to buy a couple new pairs of shorts for a trip this summer, because none of my shorts fit me.  In a bad way.  And as summer drew to a close, those new shorts were getting looser.

But those were, like, fat shorts anyway.  They don't count.  They had damn well better be loose.

Then the other day suddenly I realized my freakin' underwear was too big!  Like to the point that in the middle of the day I took them off, threw them away, and put on a different pair.  I thought it might be a fluke, but it happened again today.

I guess it's a good problem to have.  Maybe one day soon I'll step on the scale and see what's what.  And go shopping for new underwear.

Drastic Changes in Plans

Okay, so I'm playing a whole different ball game now.  If you read my other blog, you've seen that my fiance and I recently split up.  So, while I've been doing more and more to take care of my health over the last couple of months, all the sudden I'm faced with the reality that I might have to be like "out there" again.  Oh Good Lord have mercy.

Here's a story.

When I was still married to my ex-husband I was on a health kick of sorts, and I got down to 132 pounds.  Which, keep in mind, I'm only 5 feet fall, so this is still probably too heavy for my frame.  But it was the thinnest I'd been in a few years.  Well, R and I were friends at the time, and he told me I was getting too skinny and needed to stop.

I told ex-H this, and his response was, "Yeah, but R likes big women."

I'll pause a minute and let all the subtleties of that play out in your head.

My ex-husband was an ass.

But he had one thing right. R really does kind of like "big women."  We've joked about this throughout our entire relationship.  And though I've gained some weight over our years together, he has always still found me attractive, sexy, whatever.  So I didn't much care.

I mean, I did care, because I felt like a slug.  But I had my man, and he was happy, so whatever.

But now?  NOW?!  I've got to feel better about myself if there is any hope of moving on with my life.  I don't want to be a "big woman" anymore.

Look What I Can Do

So, I can stand on my head now.  Against a wall, but still.

Life has been so crazy lately, that I decided to just be crazy and set a goal for myself of being able to stand on my head.

I have a friend who's thiiiiiiiis close to being a certified yoga teacher, so I asked her to show me the proper form and steps to get into a headstand.  Turns out I was doing it wrong.  Or I was going to do it wrong, since I hadn't done it yet.

Anyway, I thought I'd share a website I found that has a really super helpful progression of poses to do leading up to being able to do a real headstand.  It's a series of photos and descriptions I found on a site called Fit Sugar.

I did what they said, and what my friend said, for about a week or so, and then the other day I just kicked my leg from the "head stand prep" stage, and lo and behold, there I was on my head upside down.  I only held it for a minute or so, but I've done it every day since.

There are all kinds of benefits to yoga head stands, but right now I'm just interested in standing on my head because...well...being upright hasn't been going so well for me.  So, we'll see how this goes.

On My Back

A lot of interesting things are happening along my journey these days.  I'm not saying I'm trying to lose weight or on a diet or whatever.  But a few weeks ago I stopped drinking diet soda, or stopped drinking so much of it, and it's created a ripple effect.

I drink a lot more water.  I eat a lot more "whole" foods and less processed crap.  Real food just tastes better to me now.  It's what I crave.

And I'm being more active.  Walking, doing some yoga, swimming (or I was before my pool turned into a giant vat of ice water).  I even started jogging a little along the way this week.

I haven't even weighed, because I know that derails me.  But I can tell clothes are looser, and I feel better about myself.

I've had troubles sleeping for years now.  Various reasons, I'm sure, but one is that I always used to sleep the soundest on my back.  And I got to where I couldn't sleep on my back anymore, because I would snore and wake myself up.  I've wondered whether my extra weight had something to do with this or not.

I'm not entirely sure that's it, but I do know this.  I woke up this morning flat on my back from a sound sleep. And not because I was snoring.  So, I'm calling that progress.

Giving Up Diet Soda

Maybe I should say "cutting back" rather than "giving up."  Because I know that if I tell myself I can't have something, I only want it more.  And this cut back kind of came about on it's own, not through a conscious decision.

We went on vacation, and I drank WAY too much soda on the trip.  Like all day every day.  And by the time we got home, I just felt sick of soda and like I needed some water.  And I read yet one more article about how diet soda messes with your weight because it messes with how your brain/body/stomach/appetite/whatever processes sweetness, and somehow THAT one clicked.

So I skipped soda for a day.  Then two.  Then three.  Then on the fourth day, I had one.  And it tasted awful.  I didn't even finish it.

Then I went a whole week before I had another one.  And it tasted awful and I didn't even finish it.

So I went another week.  Then I had one.  And it gave me a MAJOR headache.  So, now it's been five days again.

I can't say whether I've lost any weight or not, because the last time I stepped on a scale it was so horrifying that I just haven't done it again.  All I know is that I've cut way back on my diet soda intake and I'm drinking a lot more water, and in the long run, that's bound to be healthier for me.  And the water tastes better to me right now, so that's what I'm drinking more of.

Livwise: Easy Recipes for a Healthy Happy Life

I thought I'd share a review of a cookbook I got recently, Livwise: Easy Recipes for a Healthy, Happy Life by Olivia Newton-John.  My friends know it's no secret, I'm a big fan of Olivia Newton-John, and I Honestly Love You I probably wouldn't have purchased the book otherwise.  But it's still a good book for anyone embracing a healthier diet and lifestyle.
The introduction explains how Olivia eats healthfully and has sections explaining organic foods, various nutrients, the importance of water, even how to grow your own sprouts.  It has gorgeous, full-color photos (of Olivia and of the food) throughout and a good variety of healthy recipes.  There are chapters on breakfast; entrees; shakes, smoothies and juices; appetizers; and even dessert.  Many options are vegetarian or vegan, but there area a few with fish or chicken and a couple using beef.

I really enjoyed looking through the book, but that might be mostly because I'm a fan.  One of the reasons I love Olivia is that I admire her healthy habits, so I liked reading more about what she eats and why.

If I have any criticism, it's that many of the ingredients are difficult, if not impossible, for me to find.  Granted, I live in the middle of nowhere Missouri.  But I don't even know where to begin to find goji berries, maca powder, or dahl.  If you live in a more metropolitan area and/or have a Whole Foods nearby, you'll probably be fine.

Closet Cleaning

Where have I been from the blogging world?  And how come none of my clothes fit me anymore?

Life has been pretty chaotic lately.  And my yoga teacher moved.  And somehow I stopped eating food that actually resembled...well...food.

Cheetos and M&M's are a perfectly reasonable supper.  Aren't they?  I mean corn, and cheese, and antioxidants?  Or something.

Anyway, I decided to clean out my closet last week, and it was horribly depressing.  None of my clothes fit me.  I had this vision of taking anything out of my closet that doesn't currently fit, look nice, feel good, etc...  Sadly, this wouldn't have left me with much.  And it would mean getting rid of some clothes I really like.

So, I ate a salad last night.  I ate some fruit this morning.  I've been swimming in my pool.  Not laps per se, but I kind of walk around in circles, do leg lifts, crunches, some yoga poses in the water.

Speaking of water, I'm pulling a radical trick and drinking some.  Not crazy amounts, but like a couple glasses a day, as opposed to three or four diet sodas.

We'll see how it goes!  I haven't stepped on a scale or anything.  Just want to get into some of my clothes again.