Friday, October 5, 2012

Drastic Changes in Plans

Okay, so I'm playing a whole different ball game now.  If you read my other blog, you've seen that my fiance and I recently split up.  So, while I've been doing more and more to take care of my health over the last couple of months, all the sudden I'm faced with the reality that I might have to be like "out there" again.  Oh Good Lord have mercy.

Here's a story.

When I was still married to my ex-husband I was on a health kick of sorts, and I got down to 132 pounds.  Which, keep in mind, I'm only 5 feet fall, so this is still probably too heavy for my frame.  But it was the thinnest I'd been in a few years.  Well, R and I were friends at the time, and he told me I was getting too skinny and needed to stop.

I told ex-H this, and his response was, "Yeah, but R likes big women."

I'll pause a minute and let all the subtleties of that play out in your head.

My ex-husband was an ass.

But he had one thing right. R really does kind of like "big women."  We've joked about this throughout our entire relationship.  And though I've gained some weight over our years together, he has always still found me attractive, sexy, whatever.  So I didn't much care.

I mean, I did care, because I felt like a slug.  But I had my man, and he was happy, so whatever.

But now?  NOW?!  I've got to feel better about myself if there is any hope of moving on with my life.  I don't want to be a "big woman" anymore.

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