Finally!

Well, I've had a very up and down kind of week. Had another weekend trip last weekend and didn't feel well most of the time, so I didn't eat much but on the way back from our trip I started feeling a little better and probably ate too much junk food in the car. As I think I've mentioned before I had a torn rotator cuff in my left shoulder and it has really been hurting me the last two weeks. It's really my own fault. I stopped doing my rehab exercises and I really do too much carring my 45pound son and giving him piggyback rides and shoulder rides. It's one of the many harzards of being a mom. At any rate after doing my rehab exercises for the last two weeks I'm finally feeling a bit better and actually sleeping through the night. Geesh, I guess exercising really does work. I've been doing a pretty good job at staying with my getting back to vegetarian eating. I've decided that I will eat meat once a week and I've been doing good with that. I will stop eating when I start to feel full, doing pretty good with that. Drink 60oz of water a day, did that 5 out of 7 days. Walking or exercising... well with my shoulder issue I haven't felt much like doing that but I have done it a few times a week. So I guess I would give myself a grade of B-. In the last week the only day I really fell off the wagon was on Sunday. Had a banana split from Sonic (took them 15 minutes to bring it out, fast food? I think not.) and then ice cream and cake at a friends house to celebrate her successful breast cancer surgery. So I think that was a good reason to eat cake and ice cream. So here is the result of my two weeks of this routine... 3 pounds! Yay me!!!

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

I want to believe that I am not the only one to struggle with this issue - no, I'm not breaking up with anyONE...it's the clothes. As my weight has visited many sizes, so has my wardrobe. At one point, I was down to a size 6 - and still had plenty of room to breathe. Now at size @@ (I simply can't say it out loud so just double the "nice" size and add some and you'll be there) size @@ - I'm having a hard time letting go of what I once was.

Getting rid of these clothes would be nice in the fact that everything in my house would fit me - today, as is. Also, it would not be a cluttered reminder of failure. However, wouldn't it also be giving up a bit? I mean, if I'm discarding size 8 or 10 - am I not kind of saying "this is not for me anymore"? It feels a little like settling in where I am today- which I am NOT. And has anyone else had that moment where you wake up and suddenly NOTHING fits properly? Well, I'd like to be prepared to break out the skinny jeans.

Yes, in all likelihood - I know that I would want to celebrate my new body size with a new shopping spree. But even this has it's challenges - last time I was serious about weight loss I went through 5 sizes. That's a lot of retail therapy for my wallet to endure. And that was the "fun" stuff - don't get me started on the boob fluctuation - it's a sore subject. I could open a small Victoria Secret should the ladies ever decide to commit to a number / much less a letter.

So, readers - do you hold onto the skinny reminders? Do you let them go? And in case you are wondering - yes, I know the rule about "if you haven't worn it in a year - ditch it". Tread lightly. You are putting an expiration date on my hopes and dreams. And if this were the reverse problem- I'd have no issue at all dumping the fat clothes! (though it would hurt a little - it is most of my wardrobe)

Opinions welcome...garage sale pending.

I've Fallen Off and Been Run Over - by the Wagon!

In summary, September has been a little crazy -almost like I've been sucked into a black hole. Regardless of my non-stop, insane paced, attention to putting my house (and therefore the rest of my life) back into tidy order - my weight and my house are not showing the results.

I have had some successes (meager as they seem when I'm looking at the scale). I did make my trip to the bread store to stock up and did not buy even one snack cake (single or box variety)! I have discovered an easy way to enable my love for eating kiwi (cut in half and scoop out with a spoon- no more peeling! pure joy!). I have been fairly active at home - no "pure exercise" but running around cleaning is burning more calories than sitting so in my book it counts! And I do believe that I have avoided visiting any fast food chain for several weeks (though I think of you fondly and often). And now - for the failures, er, I mean challenges...

First, I discovered cookies and cream candy bars. Yum (though I soon discovered that they had trans fats in them- so I have since broken up with them). Reese's added a dark chocolate variety to their menu - yum. My son and my husband have birthdays this month - which involves food. Work has been in overdrive, and I've got so many personal projects waiting in line that I've just been spinning my wheels and getting no where. It's like there is not enough of me to go around - if I choose to appease my creative side, I fall behind on my life responsibilities. If I choose to work on un-cluttering, I'm soon drowning in day to day chores (like laundry - is there a support group for that?).

I thought all the stressful wear and tear was doing me good - you may recall the sudden plunge in pounds a while back. But no, all those pounds returned. Clearly, moderation is a concept that I have not mastered - in life or on my plate. So - what to do? I'm going to have to practice "realistic expectation" - which I (for the record) HATE! I'm going to make reasonable to-do lists (or at least MORE reasonable) and I'm going to try to recruit family members in some projects. (Mental note - I will have to then actually let them DO those projects without me micro-managing, criticizing, or re-doing them.) In short, I need to not only let go of the pounds and the stuff, but also the idea of perfection, control and quick fixes.

Which leads me to my "deer in the headlights" moment. Each year, we have a health assessment at work- they track BMI, weight, cholesterol, etc. Last year - I set the very reasonable goal of trimming down some weight. Well - they will be here again in a month and I will be hanging my head in shame that not only did I NOT trim any of that weight - but I took that number and GREW that much more. Yeah me! I am completely aware - that I feel overwhelmed and when I feel that way, the LAST thing I want to do is take "me time". So I'd be lying if I didn't admit that part of me wants to go on some insane crash diet - just to save face at this upcoming deadline. But I really don't have that kind of will power and I'd really like to not do something unhealthy just to have it undone a few weeks after I return to normal behavior.

So I'm really considering taking Janet's approach- taking baby steps (which is all I've been doing all along). This week - I'll focus on my to do list, doing one set of push ups at the desk and either committing to taking a 15 min walk during my break (which I will have to force myself to take) or with the pudgy poochies / son during the evening. That's not a lot - but at least it's a conscious decision to take steps in the right direction...surely the scale will reward me? So - I'm officially climbing back on the wagon and holding on tight! Wish me luck!

I Think My New Scale is Broken Too

Because I certainly did not truly gain 1.8 lbs. this week. I'm sure of it. Okay, well, maybe not entirely sure.

I'm a little bit concerned today with the way my entire day (or weekend) can be thrown off by a tiny little thing going wrong. I mean, I've had a rough week personally, a rough couple weeks actually. But I was okay, until waking up yesterday, I just felt wrong. I never really got myself out of the funk, and then I woke up today in another one (or still in the same one?).

Anyhow, I didn't walk Friday or Saturday, but I made myself do it today. And that's truly what it was, making myself. I wanted to just lie on the couch and watch a week's worth of Oprah and Ellen on my DVR. And I ate way too many honey roasted peanuts this afternoon. I bought a huge jar of them because they were on an end cap at Wal-mart, which is always a poor reason to buy anything.

I didn't eat any fruit yet today, and I forgot my vitamin yesterday. Oh, and I think I drank maybe half a glass of water yesterday, and way too many Diet Cokes.

So, I'm planning to start all over tomorrow and do better this week. Hopefully work won't be crazy, and the personal life will be peaceful and calming, and I'll soon be feeling like my sarcastic perky self.

Can I Press Ctrl/Alt/Del on My Morning?

Well, it's weigh-in day, and I haven't weighed-in. It's not my fault. My new fancy schmancy scale is broken.

You'd think I'd be all happy on this beautiful Saturday morning, but I think I got up on the wrong side of the bed (which was ANY side today, I swear). Rudy woke me up with his incessant barking, and that did not start me off with warm fuzzies.

But I got up and prepared to weigh-in anyway. My new scale persisted in displaying "E" no matter what I did. So, I tried pushing all the many buttons in a variety of combinations, to no avail. I took the batteries out and put them back in. Same thing. "E" over and over.

I dug out my instruction book. Yes, I kept it. I keep all instruction books. I have instruction books for my telephone, the stereo I bought 16 years ago, my appliances, televisions I no longer own, my lava lamp. If it came with an instruction book or booklet as it may be, I have it on file. This amuses X.

Anyway, no help there. I got on the website for the company. No help. I called the 800 number. No help. Well, unless you consider being placed inside an eternal loop of useless recorded messages to be helpful. In that case, it was quite helpful indeed.

Now, to get the full effect, you must know that I only weigh-in first thing in the morning on an empty stomach and empty bladder. So, while I'm doing all this troubleshooting on my fancy scale, I'm getting hungrier and hungrier and thus, getting pissier and pissier. Oh, and Rudy was still barking. And Beavis thought he was "being helpful" by purring loudly and rubbing himself all over my infuriating scale and myself. And I hadn't taken my allergy medicine yet, because that would have entailed drinking water, which would skew my weigh-in.

So, that's my morning, and my excuse for not updating my ticker. I ended up taking the (damn) scale back to Wal-mart this afternoon and getting a new one. So, I'll plan to weigh-in tomorrow. Hopefully it will be more productive than this morning proved to be.

Surprising Benefits of Yoga

I went to yoga today. Yay me! Seriously, you have to realize what an incredible feat this was. See, Regina and I had to drive to a meeting today that was two hours away for me (and four for her, so yeah, go ahead and feel bad for her, and I'll stop complaining). I had sort of decided I just wouldn't make yoga, because I'd be home too late. Which made me sad, because I couldn't go last week either, so it's like, I'm off to a really bad start with my getting back into yoga thing.

Well, surprise, we got out of our meeting over an hour early! Then on the way home, X called me and invited me to go shopping (I know!). But I was strong and told him no, I'm actually getting home early, and I'm going to yoga.

Then, after I got home, of course, it's so tempting to just not leave the house again. And I actually had not quite an hour before yoga, which makes it even more tempting to just chill a bit and then end up never leaving. So, I decided I needed to just get my clothes changed and GO before I talked myself out of it.

Sometimes if I leave work a little early, I'll go on to the Community Center early and walk around their track. On days when it's really nice outside, sometimes I'll walk around outside before yoga. Today it was nice out, but somehow, I just felt the need to be in that environment with a bunch of other people who are health conscious and making positive steps toward fitness. There's a lot to be said for that.

So, I went on inside and walked inside. Well, here's the thing. The track goes all around the perimeter of the Community Center. Inside there's a basketball court and a weight area. So, basically there's a lot of men. A lot of muscly men. A lot of sweaty muscly men. Who are mostly about 19.

I'm schlepping my exhausted self around the track and just looking around, and everywhere I look is some guy lifting some enormous weight. Most of them were just sort of goofy looking, but a couple were really hot. Oh my. I realized this is one of the unsung benefits of working out at the Community Center.

I mean, I'm not hooking up with some 19-year-old (no matter how much he begs), but I can look, right? And honestly, I work with a bunch of women. There is just way too much estrogen in my life. I was really enjoying walking around in circles and basking in all the testosterone. It kind of made me feel alive.

Anyway, I walked about 20 minutes and then went on in to yoga, and it was awesome, as always. I went one week, then missed a week, then went today, and I could still tell that today was easier than last time. I was more flexible, and I felt a lot better about myself.

I asked the teacher if she's planning to add any more classes, instead of only doing Thursday nights. She said that unfortunately there are no spots available right now. Oh, well. I'll just look forward to next Thursday and all the hot sweaty young men the relaxing and health promoting benefits of doing yoga.

Within Reach of Life's Magic

I signed up to receive "Notes from the Universe" a while back. Somehow the messages I get often hit the nail right on the head. It's like The Universe truly is communicating directly with me about exactly what's going on in my life at that moment. Though, I know for a fact that Regina gets the same messages I do, so maybe it's all in my head.

Anyway, one of my messages last week was this, "You don't take "baby steps" for the distance they cover, Janet, but to put yourself within reach of life's magic."

So see, The Universe is down with the "Baby Steps" plan! And I do really think it's true that the littlest steps in the right direction set bigger things in motion. It's not that walking 20 minutes today is going to make me lose 50 pounds. But taking that little step makes me think twice about how many cookies I eat later.

X told me this weekend that he can tell I'm getting smaller. I'm not sure how much to believe him. I've barely lost 4 pounds. But, I'm going to take it as a good sign.

Most Awesome Song I Heard While Working Out Today: "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins. This is in honor of Kathy meeting Kevin Bacon last week. Also, have you heard they are re-making this movie? I'm not sure how that's gonna be. It seems like such an iconic 80's thing.