Skinny Jeans

I was at a work function this week and found myself wearing pants that were ginormously too big for me.  Which is kind of a cool thing, except that I was traveling, so I didn't have any other pants, or a belt, or anything.  And at one point I decided to look and see what size the pants were, thinking that they must be a 14, and isn't this awesome that they're so big on me?!

Well, they were a 16.  Which made me think, wtf, when did I ever buy a 16 to begin with?!  And darn tooting they're too big, they'd BETTER be!

But whatever, the point is, they used to fit me.  And now they're huge.

So, I ended up at JC Penney looking for some new clothes, and I decided to try on a pair of "skinny jeans."  I have shunned this particular fashion trend, thinking I was too short and/or fat to look good in them.

I was wrong.  Or at least I am now.  Because they actually looked pretty good.  And I tried them on with a silky, off the shoulder top that I would never have even picked up, except it was on clearance. 

I stood there in the dressing room looking at my new hot self and debated whether to buy the outfit.  Ultimately, I decided that my current life offers very little opportunity to wear skinny jeans and a slinky top.  Because I can't wear denim for work, and well... the rest of the time I'm in sweats.

For now.

That was a decidedly third date outfit.  And ultimately, I realized that by the time I'm going on a third date, I will probably be an even smaller size.  And this would have been an entirely wasted purchase.

But it wasn't a waste of time.  Because, I'm telling you, I looked hot in that outfit.  And I needed to see that right now.

This is New

My underwear is too big.

I haven't weighed since I've been on this new health kick, because I know that derails me.  I can be on a super path, doing all the right things, and then I'll step on the scale, get discouraged, and stop.

So I purposely haven't done it.  The doctor weighed me back in July, and I was horrified at the number.  Higher than it had ever been in my life.  I adjusted my little ticker accordingly the other day, but I haven't stepped on a scale since.

I haven't really noticed a lot of difference in my clothes, but then that could be because I work from home and tend to wear sweats about 95% of the time.  (Herein may lie part of the original problem.)  But I did have to buy a couple new pairs of shorts for a trip this summer, because none of my shorts fit me.  In a bad way.  And as summer drew to a close, those new shorts were getting looser.

But those were, like, fat shorts anyway.  They don't count.  They had damn well better be loose.

Then the other day suddenly I realized my freakin' underwear was too big!  Like to the point that in the middle of the day I took them off, threw them away, and put on a different pair.  I thought it might be a fluke, but it happened again today.

I guess it's a good problem to have.  Maybe one day soon I'll step on the scale and see what's what.  And go shopping for new underwear.

Drastic Changes in Plans

Okay, so I'm playing a whole different ball game now.  If you read my other blog, you've seen that my fiance and I recently split up.  So, while I've been doing more and more to take care of my health over the last couple of months, all the sudden I'm faced with the reality that I might have to be like "out there" again.  Oh Good Lord have mercy.

Here's a story.

When I was still married to my ex-husband I was on a health kick of sorts, and I got down to 132 pounds.  Which, keep in mind, I'm only 5 feet fall, so this is still probably too heavy for my frame.  But it was the thinnest I'd been in a few years.  Well, R and I were friends at the time, and he told me I was getting too skinny and needed to stop.

I told ex-H this, and his response was, "Yeah, but R likes big women."

I'll pause a minute and let all the subtleties of that play out in your head.

My ex-husband was an ass.

But he had one thing right. R really does kind of like "big women."  We've joked about this throughout our entire relationship.  And though I've gained some weight over our years together, he has always still found me attractive, sexy, whatever.  So I didn't much care.

I mean, I did care, because I felt like a slug.  But I had my man, and he was happy, so whatever.

But now?  NOW?!  I've got to feel better about myself if there is any hope of moving on with my life.  I don't want to be a "big woman" anymore.