I've posted before about how I thought my old job was making me fat. And about how I've lost three pounds (or more?) since being laid off. Well, I had a chance (or the misfortune, or the horrifying experience) of testing my theory once more this past week.
See, someone decided to plan a reunion Christmas party. And I decided to go. Against my better judgement.
It was everything I feared it would be. It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. It was nerve wracking and awful. It was tense and bitter.
Or maybe that was just me?
I don't think so. Because most people arrived late and left early.
Anyway, the point is, it was terrible, but the food was really good. Mostly. And I found myself in the midst of this bizarre social/dietary experiment in which I STUFFED myself for no good reason other than being really uncomfortable and wanting to escape. Or something.
I filled my plate once, along with everyone else. And I ate every bite. Then everyone else got up and got a second plate. And I was full. I knew I was full. But I got up and filled my plate a second time. And I ate every bite again.
Then I felt sick. Then someone brought out dessert. And it wasn't even good dessert. But So and So had made the dessert, and I was afraid So and So would be upset if I didn't eat her dessert. So I ate a plate.
It wasn't even good. And I was full to the point of feeling miserable. But I guess the physical miserableness was easier to bear than the psychological miserableness. So I ate and ate and ate.
And I sat there thinking, "Why am I doing this? I'm not hungry. I'm stuffed. But I'm going to keep eating."
I knew exactly what I was doing. Which maybe is progress in some way. Considering I'd worked with most of these people for years, I'm sure I did this sort of thing to myself on a regular basis. Maybe not to that extent, but still.
The good news is, I had a Christmas party with my new co-workers later in the week, and it was great. The food was fabulous, and I didn't stuff myself. Yay for that!
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