Close Only Counts...

Well, I settled into my new office (read as not temporary - really mine - 7 days a week - even if I'm not there) just in time for all the holiday parties and then a week long holiday break.

Aside from the obvious joy that is happening from having my own space with office equipment, real working drawers...and the joy that comes from having a job with no "stated" expiration date...and the joy of having new co-workers that mostly seem to enjoy me and I mostly enjoy...there is an additional benefit.

My new office is directly across the hall from the fitness center. If I am sitting at my computer, I am looking in the direction of it's doors. This could benefit me greatly - in the past (pre-chaos and disorder) I would take my "break" in the fitness center. However, I really hated to be there if anyone else was around. Because I like to the gym with the lights off. And I have a mild intolerance for non-preferred music / bad radio. And I generally don't want to be "nice" when I'm torturing myself on a treadmill.

So now I have a front row seat to the vacancy of the fitness center. And I have a daily reminder that is literally staring me in the face. And if that is not enough- I have my scale at home that has been taunting me lately.

So here is the plan:

1. Try to fit in desk push-ups 2 (hopefully 3) times a week. It will be hard as I have office mateS and no walls dividing us. And I refuse to have witnesses.

2. Take break in fitness center 3-4 times per week.

3. In order to make #2 happen - I must take my workout bag to work - fully stocked with shoes, socks, optional t-shirt, and things to make me not smelly at the end.

4. Also, as general motivation - I will need to create a play list for the occasion - perfectly timed for my 15 minute express workout. Nothing worse than flipping songs / artists in the midst of my focus.

5. I shall recommit my relationship with my pedometer. I will track my progress (it has a 1 week memory) but I'd like to be able to see the progress.

6. Ugh. As much as I HATE, HATE, HATE the food journal - I've got to do something to keep the eating present in my mind. I did sign up for the Sparks People app - I may default to paper, b/c so far, I'm mostly annoyed by it's "preset menu". I'm looking for a tracking application - not so interested in them telling me what to eat. Suggestions welcomed (android apps only).

Have you set your goals? More important do you have a plan to get there?

The Professional Bra Fitting

You know how Oprah is always doing her "bra interventions"?  And saying that something like 85% of women are wearing the wrong size bra?  And then people come out for their "after" shot, and they look like they've lost 15 pounds?

Well, I have insane breasts.  I know I do.  I've always known I do.  And so far, I've managed to squeeze them into sizes that are available in major department stores, if not the local Target or Wal-mart.  But I had a feeling I was wearing the wrong size.

I live in a small town, so bra options are few and far between (unlike my breasts, which are abundant, with no space between).  But the other day I was in a larger town for work, and I happened to pass a little specialty lingerie shop advertising "custom bra fittings."  I decided, what the heck?  And I went in.

The woman informed me that there was a $15 fee, which would go toward my purchase, should I choose to make one.  I decided to go for it.

She asked what size I thought I was, and I told her...38 DDD...but that I was pretty sure that wasn't right.  She asked me to take off my coat and turn around.  She looked at my back, and ran her hand over the back of my bra, and then led me to a dressing room.

She brought bra after bra, and explained to me things I never knew about bras.  And the verdict?  Are you sitting down?  I was right on the 38 part.  Not so much on the letters.  Turns out, I'm an H.  As as, E, F, G, H.  I didn't know they made bras in H's.  But they do, and they had several.  Apparently this size is also known as FF.  So now you know.

And would you believe, the one I ended up buying is a push up?!  Could you die?  I mean, I've long avoided anything with any additional padding and/or pushing.  But really, when she put me in it, and I saw how the girls stood up at attention, far away from their natural place somewhere closer to my waist, I knew that was the one.  It was more money than I've ever paid for a bra.  But hey, it was $15 off, right?

I'll warn you, this bra fitting deal is not for the modest.  The woman started out being pretty hands-off and telling me how to do various things, but before long she had her hands inside my brashuffling my parts around where she thought they needed to be.  And she began to freely enter and exit the fitting room, whether I was clothed or not.  (R liked this story very much, until I made it clear she was old, and very overweight.  And there wasn't anyone else in the store most of the time, but still.)

Anyway, in case you are interested, the one I got is by Elomi and you can get one here if you'd like.  (That's not the right size, or the color I got, but you get the point.)

I also got this Barely There shaping tank, which I'm loving!  (And holy cow, that price on Amazon is way less than I paid.  I may need to buy more!)  I've tried shape wear on the lower half before, but really, it's my upper half that needs shaping.  And this goes over the bra, and makes me look a bit smaller.  And it's comfortable.

A few other tips this woman gave me, that I'll share with all of you:

A new bra should fit best with the straps on a looser setting, and with the back on the outside hooks.  Then, as you wear and wash the bra, it will loosen up, and you can tighten the straps and the back.  If you start out on the tightest settings, there's nowhere else to go.  (Good advice!)  Who knew?

You should lean forward when putting on your bra, to get the girls settled into their proper place.  She encouraged me then to reach inside the bra, and pull each boob up and toward the middle.  Then you should pull the back down and pull the straps in toward your neck.  She said this would keep my neck and shoulders from hurting so much, as it pulls the supporting part more to the middle.

She also told me this big hullabaloo about how wearing a proper fitting bra, that compresses the breasts, will eventually help them "learn" to stay in and up.  I'm not sure I buy that.  But my girls could use some movement towards "in" and "up" so whatever.  We'll give it a shot.

So, my hope for you all in the new year is that you'll make a resolution that's easy to keep, and will help you feel instantly better about yourself, and get a professional bra fitting!  I'm not sure I look 15 pounds lighter, but I do have a more defined waist.  And that's worth something.

(Nobody is paying me to endorse either this bra or this tank thingy.  But if you do click on those Amazon links and end up buying something, I might get like 4 cents.)

My Old Job Was Making Me Fat

I've posted before about how I thought my old job was making me fat.  And about how I've lost three pounds (or more?) since being laid off.  Well, I had a chance (or the misfortune, or the horrifying experience) of testing my theory once more this past week.

See, someone decided to plan a reunion Christmas party.  And I decided to go.  Against my better judgement.

It was everything I feared it would be.  It was awkward.  It was uncomfortable.  It was nerve wracking and awful.  It was tense and bitter.

Or maybe that was just me?

I don't think so.  Because most people arrived late and left early.

Anyway, the point is, it was terrible, but the food was really good.  Mostly.  And I found myself in the midst of this bizarre social/dietary experiment in which I STUFFED myself for no good reason other than being really uncomfortable and wanting to escape.  Or something.

I filled my plate once, along with everyone else.  And I ate every bite.  Then everyone else got up and got a second plate.  And I was full.  I knew I was full.  But I got up and filled my plate a second time.  And I ate every bite again.

Then I felt sick.  Then someone brought out dessert.  And it wasn't even good dessert.  But So and So had made the dessert, and I was afraid So and So would be upset if I didn't eat her dessert.  So I ate a plate.

It wasn't even good.  And I was full to the point of feeling miserable.  But I guess the physical miserableness was easier to bear than the psychological miserableness.  So I ate and ate and ate.

And I sat there thinking, "Why am I doing this?  I'm not hungry.  I'm stuffed.  But I'm going to keep eating."

I knew exactly what I was doing.  Which maybe is progress in some way.  Considering I'd worked with most of these people for years, I'm sure I did this sort of thing to myself on a regular basis.  Maybe not to that extent, but still.

The good news is, I had a Christmas party with my new co-workers later in the week, and it was great.  The food was fabulous, and I didn't stuff myself.  Yay for that!

Thyroid Pills and Other Doctorish Stuff

I went to the doctor Friday for my annual "well woman exam."  I try to go every year on time, mainly because I've had issues in that department in the past, including abnormal Paps and fibroids.  I just like to make sure everything is running smoothly so to speak.

A couple years ago, my doctor did a test and discovered I had an under active thyroid gland, which can cause such things as weight gain, insomnia, depression, tiredness, etc...  Which I have, but then, don't we all to some extent? 

Anyway, when I lost my job, I lost my insurance.  And my thyroid pill is only $4 a month, but the problem is, my prescription ran out in August, and I didn't want to pay to go to the doctor to get the prescription.  So, now that I have insurance again, I went, but I'd been without that pill for about three months.

Well, the doctor wasn't pleased with me for this.  She explained to me that an under active thyroid can cause weight gain, insomnia, depression, tiredness, etc... And she asked if I'd been experiencing any of these things.  Ummm...yeah.  But, the reason I hadn't been to see you is that I lost my insurance, because I lost my job.  And unemployment can cause depression, insomnia, blah blah blah, yes?

So, whatever.  I'm back on my $4 a month pill, and we'll see if I feel any better.  I kind of just didn't think it was doing much, so I didn't think much about being off of it.  I have felt bad, but I've had reasons to feel bad.

One reason to feel good though:  The doctor congratulated me on having lost three pounds since I'd seen her last.  And my appointment was in the middle of the day.  They weighed me with all my clothes on, including shoes, and I even forgot my keys were in my pocket.  So, yay for that!

Does Your Family Comment on Your Weight?

My family is full of overweight people, on both sides.  (Of the family I mean, not like they are overweight on both sides of their bodies.  Because that would be weird.  If they weren't I mean.  Oh, never mind.)

And my step-monster never hesitates to comment about my weight.  Or anybody else's for that matter.  Sometimes she'll just blatantly say, "Wow, you've put on some weight!"  Which is not helpful.

I mean really?!  When has anyone ever said this to anyone and gotten the response of, "Have I?  Oh my goodness, I had no idea!  Thank you so much for pointing this out to me.  Now I can take steps to remedy the situation.  You are so helpful!"

It's not helpful.  It's hurtful.  And it makes me want to eat another cookie.

Sometimes it's more subtle.  Like she'll slowly look me up and down and then ask, "So are you still walking every day?"  Or like the last time I saw her, when she gave me the once over then said, "Your DAD has lost a lot of weight!"

Which, really?  If he had, I couldn't tell.  But whatever.

Anyway, so I've been aware that this woman has been putting me, and others, in our places for years based on weight.  I've determined in the last year or so that the reason she must do this is that she has a lot of faults, but she's always been thin.  She's not the smartest person, or the richest, or most beautiful, or the most well liked.  But she's thin.  So she must feel a confidence boost by bringing up the issue of weight whenever she gets the chance.

What I hadn't been conscious of, until our Thanksgiving celebration the other day, is that my mom's side of the family does this too.  I swear, we hadn't been with my grandparents two minutes before Grandpa brought up the fact that a particularly heavy member of the family has lost 30 pounds.  And then he immediately launched into a story about my obese uncle sitting in a chair and breaking it.

Now, okay, that's kind of a remarkable story.  But honestly, it hit me then that this side of the family too is obsessed with weight.  Yet the majority of the people in the family are overweight.  So whatever Grandpa is trying to accomplish with pointing all this out, it's not working.  Well, I mean, unless his goal is to make all his progeny overweight.

Which proves my point that really, it's not helpful, and it's not appropriate, ever to talk about anyone else's weight.  It doesn't accomplish anything.  The person already knows he or she is overweight.  And telling them about it (or telling everyone else about it) only serves to make the person feel worse.  Which probably will make them eat more.

It's given me a lot to think about.  Like do I talk about people's weight?  If I do, what is my motivation?  Is it even okay to talk about people losing weight?  Because doesn't that imply that they needed to?  Doesn't it imply that they were somehow less than before they got their act together and lost the weight?

I mean, it seems like a compliment on the surface.  "Wow you've lost a lot of weight!  You look great!"  But does it mean they looked bad before?

Either way, I've been pondering the implications of 39 years spent in a family which is largely overweight (no pun intended) yet contains several members hell bent on putting everyone else down for their obesity.  I haven't quite figured out what to do about any of it, but I figure just being aware of it is progress.

Nutrition Lessons from a 2001 VW Bug

I had some car trouble this past week.  You can read the full story about what happened here if you'd like.  But I came here to post about the crazy old mechanic's obsession with Premium Fuel.  One of the first things he said to me when the tow truck dropped us off was, "You DO put Premium Fuel in it, don't you?"

Ummm...no.  I don't.  That stuff is expensive, yo.

So I got a lecture about it.  How my car is a turbo, and it "just flat won't run" if you're not putting premium fuel in it.  And I was a bit concerned, because I've had this car for like 8 years.  And nobody has ever told me that.  The dealer I purchased her from didn't tell me.  The dealers I've had her at for various mechanical issues over the years never told me.  I mentioned this to the crazy old mechanic, and his response was, "The car tells you every time you fill up.  It says inside the gas door 91 octane fuel only."

Yes, because that's what I do when I go fill up with gas.  I open the gas door and stand there and read that tiny print inside the door.

The guy asked me this again when I came to pick up the car.  And then again when I stopped by two days later because my "check engine" light had come back on.  "You DO put premium fuel in it, don't you?" 

Anyhow, I pondered this guy's words, and then I started to actually feel bad that I'd been putting sub-par fuel into my poor little Buggie.  I love her.  I want her to run well.  And I wasn't giving her what she needed to run.  But I didn't know!

So I vowed this week to only put the premium fuel in her.  "When you know better, you do better!"  To quote Oprah.

But then it hit me.  How many times have I been told what my body needs to run well?  And I still don't give her what she needs.  I give her the cheap fuel, and then get upset with her when she won't do what I want her to do or doesn't look like I want her to look.

Why am I so willing to immediately change what I put into my car, the moment I learn what that should be?  And I'm so unwilling to change what I put into my own body?  Even though I know.  I know very well the ramifications of poor nutrition and unhealthy food choices.  I know my "machine" will run better on premium fuel.  But apparently I'm not quite ready to make that investment.

What is up with that?

Some Things Stick

I'm not sure how it has come to be over a year since we got started on this adventure - but here we are. Is my weight at a new magical perfect number? No. Is my battle over? No, not even close.

As I think over the past year (and yes, I do realize I have been MIA for several months---loss of job and then finding a temporary job with the word "Crisis" in the title apparently will do that to a person).... I think I've been working very Part Time at my weight loss. I've had a few moments where I've given it my 100%. But mostly, I've been sidetracked by life.

However, let us review the successes.

Success #1

A year ago I was only beginning ending my addiction to soda. I remember a year ago - nearly to the day - I was salivating over a Diet Coke and trying to avoid the temptation. Now I am happy to say I mostly complete week after week without having a single soda.

This habit has also rubbed off onto my husband - who used to be a soda-addict in the denial stage. Now, 99% of the time you will find Club Soda in our fridge and no real soda in the house.

There are times that I indulge in a beverage. Sometimes more than once in a week. But I generally find that shortly after that I am craving some water and feeling dehydrated. When I can trade my soda dependency for water dependency? Well, I call this success!

Success #2

Somewhere, I managed to fall in love with the idea of doing push-ups at my desk. I did fall off the wagon (when you don't have a desk....well, you get the picture). But I've recently returned to my habit and I really like the burn. I also like that I can do several of these push-ups, I can alter the difficulty (bring hands closer together) and unlike floor push-ups - they don't make me feel like a wimpy loser.

Prior to this experience - it had been years since I'd done push-ups. Much less doing them multiple times a week. Increased physical activity - record this as success.

Success #3

I really do think that I am eating healthier overall. This is no claim at perfection - just that I've tried to eat more "good" and less "bad". I do believe that any steps in a healthier direction are worth celebrating...and so, we'll call moderation a success.

Okay - so it's a short success list. But you know, I think I've lost the same 5 pounds about 20 times....so, maybe I've lost a total of 100 pounds?

Never underestimate the power of lying to yourself. :)