Beautiful Lines

I just got the nicest compliment after yoga class tonight.  I have been diligently going to the gentle yoga class on Thursday nights for several weeks, but my teacher has another commitment for this week, and next week is Thanksgiving of course.  So, I decided to go to the intermediate class on Tuesday nights for these two weeks, just to stay in the habit of going.

I knew it would be hard.  And what's sad is, I used to go to the intermediate class all the time.  Twice a week if I didn't have to work those nights.  And I got pretty good at it.  Then I slacked off.

Now the gentle class is more my speed.  But I was determined to make it through tonight.  My teacher told me to go as easy as I needed to, modify poses, etc...  I think I kept up pretty well though.  It was certainly more strenuous than the class I'm used to.

So, after class she asked me how it was.  I was telling her how hard it was, and this woman came up to us and told me, "You have really beautiful lines in some of your poses."  I was dumbfounded.  She said, "Especially in your triangle.  I was just looking at you and thinking you look just like the pictures you see of people demonstrating the pose."  And then my teacher said, "You know, I noticed the same thing tonight!"

I was in shock.  Here I was saying how hard the class was for me, and this woman I don't even know comes up out of nowhere and compliments how well I was doing!  Yay me!

I'm definitely going next Tuesday.  And who knows, I may keep going to both classes once my gentle class starts up again!

The Whole Truth

So, I wasn't entirely honest with you all when I wrote that post about giving up caffeine and trying to get off my sleeping pills.  I didn't lie.  I just didn't tell the whole truth.

You see, there was a bigger reason I gave up all that stuff.  I was pregnant.  I'm not anymore.  If you want all the details on that, you can read about it here.  The point of this particular post is reflecting on all the healthy changes I made during those few weeks and what I plan to do going forward.

There's nothing like finding out you're pregnant to make you re-evaluate every single aspect of your life.  Where you live.  Who you interact with.  Your job, your car, your beauty products, your medications, and of course, your diet.  I've heard other people say this, but honestly, I don't think I ever lived as healthy a lifestyle as I did for those few weeks when I was pregnant.

Sure, it was hard.  Mostly the quitting sleeping pills thing.  The food thing wasn't too hard for me, because I really started craving healthier stuff.  I wanted water, I wanted fruit, I wanted nuts.  I didn't want candy or cookies or chips.

My prenatal vitamins didn't make me nauseous, as I've heard so many women say.  And I easily started walking 30 minutes almost every morning, not for me, but for my baby.  I knew that moderate exercise reduced the risk of many complications, and it results in a healthier baby.

So, all these things I should be doing for myself?  I didn't.  But when somebody else came along (however briefly), it was super easy to do all the right stuff.

And now that I've had a miscarriage, I really couldn't wait to have a big cup of coffee and an Ambien.  Okay, not like one after the other.  You know what I meant.  But I didn't do that.

I've decided that whether for me, or for some future baby I might have, I need to be as healthy as I can from this point forward.  I gave up all the medication.  I gave up caffeine.  I got into a walking and yoga routine.  I got into the habit of eating healthier foods.  I took my vitamin every single day.  And I can keep doing all those things now.

It's a little harder, because my cravings have turned back to their more "normal" state.  Like we have only two pieces of Halloween candy left.  And we only had one trick or treater.  One.

Still, I'm doing my best to keep up with my pregnant habits, even though I'm not pregnant.  I planned to live that way for 9 months anyway (more if I was successful at breast feeding).  So why stop now?  Don't I deserve it as much as the baby?  Yes, I do.

I'm Alive!

I had an insane week.  Monday wasn't too bad, but then Tuesday I ended up working 13 hours, because I started early to make it to an out of town meeting by 9:00 a.m. and then I had to teach a class that night that lasted until 8:30 (and was out of town).  Then Wednesday I left bright and early to drive over two hours for work, then did my thing and spent the night and drove another 30 minutes for another work, before finally driving 2 1/2 hours home Thursday evening.

I was exhausted.  And I really just wanted to go home, change into my sweats, and crash.  But, yoga is Thursday nights.  And I'm trying to go every week, if I can.

I drove and drove, looking at the clock, and trying to decide whether I'd even make it in time.  Then I tried to decide whether I'd actually leave the house again if I went home to change first.  And I realized I had sweats in my suitcase that I could probably just change into at the community center.

Yet...soooooo tired.

Anyway, ultimately I decided to suck it up and go, without going home first.  I changed clothes, paid my fee, walked 4 laps around the indoor track, then headed into the yoga room.

And about five minutes in, suddenly I felt better than I'd felt all week.  I kept thinking, wow, this is amazing.  I felt like hell for three days, and then five minutes in this class, and suddenly I feel like I'm alive again!  I felt great by the end of class, and I felt pretty good the rest of the evening.

Remind me of this later this week.  Because I have to do the same thing again, almost.  The two days out of town part, heading home Thursday, just in time for yoga.

Do you know how many songs there are titled, I'm Alive? Like way too many.

This, of course, is the best one:

Cold Turkey

I've recently made some pretty drastic changes in my life involving making healthier choices.  I've had terrible insomnia for about five years now, maybe six, and I've resorted to taking a variety of sleeping pills.  Sometimes prescription, sometimes not.  Sometimes just a melatonin supplement.  But on a typical night here lately, I was taking an Ambien, and Ativan, and a melatonin every night just to get some sleep.

I know this isn't good for me.  And I know I was addicted to them.  Not like physically addicted so much as psychologically addicted.  I was terrified I couldn't sleep without them.  And being terrified is not conducive to a good night's sleep.

So, I spoke with my doctor, and she recommended that I cut out, or at least strictly limit, my caffeine intake.  I don't think I drink a ton of caffeine compared to the average person.  Most mornings I'd have either one cup of coffee or one diet soda.  Maybe a cup of hot tea on the weekends.  And then most afternoons I'd have a diet soda.  So, two drinks per day.  If I was at some crazy boring work thing and just dying to make it through, I might have an extra soda or two.

The doctor also recommended that I take a walk outside right after getting up each morning.  Not so much for weight loss or health as for helping my internal clock re-set itself and know that, "Hey!  The sun is shining!  It's time to be awake now!"

Oh, and she told me the whole spiel about waking up at the same time every morning and going to bed at the same time every night, even on weekends, blah blah blah.  We've all heard it before.

So, I don't recommend that you do this, but what I did was rip the band aid off all at once.  I quit the caffeine and all the sleeping pills cold turkey.  And I spent about 48 hours not sleeping AT ALL and suffering from terrible headaches, nausea, etc...  This probably would have been much more bearable had I weaned myself off everything more slowly.  But hey, it's done now, and I survived.

I'm also walking 30 minutes most mornings.  Probably five per week.  If I have to be somewhere early for work, it just doesn't happen.  But if I'm home, or if my appointments aren't until later in the day, I get up, eat something, check e-mail and phone messages, and then take my walk.

Now the same time every day thing?  Well, sleeping in is one of my greatest pleasures in life.  So, I'm not adhering to that too strictly.  Some mornings I have to be up at 6:00 for work, and others I can sleep until 8:00.  And on the weekends, I seriously look forward to not having an alarm.  But, for the most part, I'm making 8:00 my "regular" wake up time, and I can deal with that.  I know that's not reasonable for a lot of people, but when I work from home and don't have be "at work" until 9:00, it's doable for me.  And now that I'm off all this stuff, I've been waking up on my own about 9:00 on weekends anyway.  So, I'm not straying too far.

I have to say, I do feel better.  I still have a terrible time falling asleep.  Like some nights it takes me 3 hours.  But I do sleep some.  And I've gone through this thing of having crazy nightmares every time I do sleep.  (Which, again, doesn't really make one motivated to fall asleep!)  I think because Ambien tends to prevent one from dreaming.  So, I've got it all backed up or something.

But I'm proud of myself for sticking with it, and for the progress I'm making.  I haven't slept without something, even  if just a melatonin or 1/2 a Unisom, for years.  And now I'm taking nothing. Yay me!

Toficken, or Seiticken, or ummm...Well, it's just NOT chicken.

I tried another vegan meat substitute the other day, and I wanted to share the results.  What I used was West Soy Chicken Style Seitan.  I'm providing a link, just so you can see what it looks like in the package, but this is not where I got mine.  I got it at Whole Foods, and I didn't pay that much for it.

Anyway, we like a lot of stir-fry type dishes, and R's favorite is Pad Thai, which he actually makes more often than I do, and he does an awesome job.  We usually use chicken, but sometimes use cubed firm tofu.  We decided to try the chicken substitute this time.

The verdict?  Well, it looks like chicken.  It comes out of the package in pieces that look just like shredded white meat chicken.  And it tasted okay.  Not exactly like chicken.  I think what bothered me was that the texture was a little rubbery.  Not bad, but definitely not chicken.

I asked R, if he had not known it wasn't chicken, would he be able to tell?  And he said no, probably not.  But I think I would have known.

My opinion is, I still prefer to just not eat meat at all, than to eat fake meat.  I'd rather have the cubed tofu, or even just have the rice or noodles with veggies, and not try to pretend I'm eating chicken if I'm not.

Also, I'd like to share that I was driving to the store this week and seriously craving meat.  I was thinking of all the types of meat I might like to buy, hamburger, chicken, a nice beef roast...When I drove right up on a chicken truck.  And I was stuck behind it, following all those pathetic looking chickens.  Dirty, crammed in their cages, staring at me with their beady eyes.  And I just thought, ugh, I cannot eat one now.  EG doesn't eat poultry for this very reason.  She just thinks it's gross.

Then I passed the truck, and I swear, came upon a pick up with the back full of goats, and a TURKEY.  It was a conspiracy, I tell ya.  I got to the store and bought some tofu.

It Sneaks Up On You

Maybe I'm talking about the days - and how the weeks fly by and if you aren't paying attention - and before you know you've lost track of an entire month.

Or maybe I'm talking about the meals - and how summer turns into Ice Cream Fest '11! Or how bad habits pile on top of each other. And how one bad food choice can lead to another one - and soon you are having daily "treats" or "cheats".

But really - it's all of these and more. We used to have a yearly wellness exam that would occur at our workplace - it included all the blood numbers and helped you to reflect on your daily choices and how they add up to changes that you can't see. And then our insurance changed - like 2 years ago. So for 2 years I have lacked this formal self-reflection.

So I finally broke down and went to see my primary doc. Who greeted me with these words...

Dr: So, Regina I have not seen you in almost 2 years. I see you've gained 20+ (I blacked out the real number) pounds since I last saw you.

R: Ouch.

I'm awaiting the results from the blood work - but with cold hard facts like 20+ pounds...I'd be a fool to think they will be good. But this is kind of how it happens - the weight (the budget, the days) just sneak up on you and then you are kind of floored about how you got so far off track.

And I want to believe that it doesn't require a boot camp to get back on track - but regular doses of intentional choices - which sounds about as exhausting as boot camp - only it never ends. So while I await the dreaded numbers - I'll see if I can't start to get back on track with some good choices. I'm not sure that a yearly look at the numbers will be enough to keep me on track - it would seem that quarterly check-ins would be more regular to maintain the focus. How do you keep your focus? What keeps you going?

Tempeh and Gardein and Daikon! Oh My!

I usually post my Project 52 updates on my other blog.  (Well, honestly, I usually don't post my project 52 updates, but whatevs.)  However, I met a goal from my list that seemed more suited to this blog, so I'm sharing about it here.

22.  Visit Whole Foods and buy some vegan meat alternatives.

My mom visited recently, and she is exploring a mostly vegan, mostly organic, mostly raw food diet.  (I know, right?)  She asked me if my local Wal-mart Supercenter has much organic food, and (after I laughed) I told her it has some, but not a lot.

Then I remembered that I'd put this goal on my list, and I thought this would be a perfect opportunity to make the trip.  I knew she would enjoy this outing much more than R would, and it would allow us to get more things that would fit into her diet.

And Whole Foods is awesome you guys.  It's expensive.  But they give out a lot of free samples, so maybe it evens out.  It just made me happy to be in there.  Whole different sort of people than my local Supercenter I'm planning to go more often, whenever I'm in that area.

So, one of my main objectives on this trip was to purchase a variety of Gardein products, because I've heard Ellen DeGeneres talk so much about them, and they are not available within a 60 mile radius of my home.  I had more trouble finding them than I thought.  So, just FYI, if you're looking, there are a lot in the frozen section, but there were some items in other sections too.  I sort of thought there would be like a "Gardein Area" but there was not.

Anyway, the only item I/we have tried so far from that lot is the Boneless Buffalo Wingish Thingies (not the official name).  And honestly, I wasn't much impressed.  They looked like chicken.  I'll give them that.  But taste like chicken?  Not so much.  They didn't taste bad.  Just not like chicken.

R did eat them though.  But there isn't much he won't eat.  Brussels sprouts.  He won't eat them.

So, anyway, we have a couple more products to try, including some tempeh that is supposed to mimic ground beef and some chickenish kind.  But so far, I'm more leaning into the vegan diet by eating actual real non-meat foods.  Like beans, nuts, grains, veggies, etc...  I'd rather eat a real bean than a fake wing.

That said, we did try one of the recipes from The Kind Diet while Mom was here.  Mostly.  It was for a vegan stir-fry, so it was sort of a "make it up as we go" thing more so than strict recipe following.  But, at Ms. Silverstone's suggestion, we used organic brown rice and some organic daikon and leeks we had picked up at Whole Foods.  And it was good!

Leeks aren't that exotic, but I'd never cooked with them.  They are a lot like giant green onions I think.  The daikon I'd never heard of before reading the book.  It's a white root, and it tastes kind of like a mild radish.  Only bigger.  And apparently you are too cook them, rather than eat them in your salad.

So there ya go.  My trip to Whole Foods, and my first adventures in vegan cooking.  Daikon and leeks are a go.  Fake meat substitutes, so far, not getting my vote.

(Oh, and you might notice my ticker has gone down a couple more pounds!  I don't honestly know what to attribute this to exactly.  Swimming a lot?  Eating less meat?  Either way, I'll take it!)