Sometimes it's Not All About Me

Sometimes it is. Yesterday morning it was. I woke up at 6:30 with cramps. It was pouring rain outside. Like as in loud thunderstorms pouring. I laid in bed a minute thinking, "Ugh. I wish I didn't have to get up and go to work." And then I thought about what I had scheduled for the day (nothing) and how many sick days I have (lots) and I realized, "Yay! I'm not getting up and going to work!"

I sent a quick e-mail to the boss and co-workers, popped some ibuprofen, gathered up the heating pad, and went back to bed. It was fabulous. I woke up a time or two, still hurting, and went back to sleep. I didn't get up until 11:30.

By then, I was feeling better. I still lazed around most of the day though. Doncha love being sick enough to stay home, but not really sick enough to feel awful?

Thursday night is yoga class. You know, the class I love so much? It was still pouring out. My cramps were gone, but I still wasn't feeling like dragging myself out in the rain to go exercise.

I live in a town with an awesome Community Center. It's beautiful, fairly new, and has lots of great stuff going on. But some idiot came up with a new rule that if there are fewer than six people who show up for a class, they have to cancel class. Like with five people (plus instructor) sitting there, ready to go, hauled themselves away from home, families, work, whatever. Not six? No class. And what's even worse is, if this happens twice. Class is canceled, like forever!

So, I'm debating whether to get myself out in the rain, and I thought, "What if I'm the sixth person? What if I don't go, and only five show up, and class is called off? What if only five of us show next week too?! AAAGGGHHHH!!" I can't have that. So I went. And there were ten of us.

Anyway, I usually get there a bit early and walk around the track before class. I just really like soaking up the energy of all those people making healthy choices for themselves. Tonight there was a young mom pushing her baby in the stroller around the track. And an elderly couple walking laps together. Three young kids down on the mat trying to do push-ups just like Daddy. A big group of kids were playing basketball in the gym. There were the typical women on the elliptical machines with their water bottles and Ipods, trying to lose those last 10 pounds. And yes, there were the usual hot 20-something guys lifting barbells that weigh more than my entire body.

As I walked around and around and took in all the various scenes, I thought, "Could it be that some of these people need to soak up my energy too?" I'm all focusing on how much I need them. How much good it does me to be around so many health conscious people. But maybe there's someone there who looks for my face? Maybe my yoga instructor feeds of my energy during class? What if you guys are depending upon my post to help you along your own weight loss journey?

I don't know if I can take the pressure.

I might have to stop thinking about that. But, whatever, I went to yoga class. (And I posted a blog about it.) That's what matters.

Most Awesome Song I Heard While Working Out: "Settlin'" by Sugarland. "Had enough so-so for the rest of my life..." Fabulous! "Find what it means to be the girl who changed her mind and changed the world" Love it! Excellent song to get me pumped up.

The Good, The Bad and the Ugly (numbers)

Yesterday was our annual health assessment at work- a dreaded event. Staff may voluntarily make an appointment to take cholesterol levels, do a health assessment, body mass index, sleep scale and then get a general report on how you are doing with one of the wellness coaches.

The first year this was offered, I was very thankful. I was curious about some of these numbers - being young enough that no Dr. seemed to think they were important enough to investigate yet. Mostly, it was good news. Year two - I was mostly excited, after all - I had good results the first time. However, year two carried with it a comparison to last year. Overall, I was heading downhill in most regards.

So here comes year three - and obviously I'm not expecting a cheering crowd - since I'm participating in this weight loss blog. So the results are in. Last year, my goal was to drop 20 pounds. This year, it appears I was confused by my goal as I gained about 20 pounds. That's 20 pounds above what I thought was 20 pounds too high last year. OUCH. Now, this was not a shock to me - I've seen the numbers daily when I step on the scale. It just hurts to see it in print and to fess up to the failure / obvious lack of motivation for last years goal. Generally, in life - I don't try to suck at things that I've set as a goal. So we will consider this the ugly part of the report.

But, don't fear, I also had "good". My overall cholesterol went down. My good cholesterol went up AND my bad cholesterol went down like 20 points. Yeah me! I attribute this success to the eating of oatmeal cereals and cereal bars, an increase in high fiber items in my diet, and my heightened awareness of trying to avoid fried foods / high fat foods. Let me be clear, I am no saint - there have been french fries in my life from time to time. But generally, I've been more selective of my eating out choices (because it seems that those are always the loaded guns). If I don't LOVE the food - I've stopped eating it. After all, if it's bad for you and it's not really good enough to make your tummy do the happy dance - why do it? I have also tried to pump up the fruits and veggies - I think they always tell you to do better on that goal. Is it also possible that my choice replace most of my chocolate cravings with dark chocolate has also paid off? I'm going to believe in the power of dark chocolate.

And then there was the "bad". My stress levels were at an alarming level - uh, you think so? Life is crazy - so much is undone - death has greeted my family - and I have worries, you know? So this wasn't shocking - but I thought I was holding it together a bit better than my survey results suggested. And the whole body mass index thing - well, it's ugly and bad. I officially hit the "obese" category (by a fraction of a percentage - but still, it's there - right in my face). Apparently my body composition does not have enough water content - which is crazy to me because I drink 3 times as much as anyone else I know. And, they break down the number of pounds in your body that are fat and the number of pounds that are lean. I was pretty happy with the lean number - until I realized it wasn't a percentage. Then I was less pleased. And to see how many pounds of fat you are carrying around in print. Well, let's just say- if the average baby born weighs 6 lbs, then I could seriously give Kate a run for her money - b/c I'm carrying more than 8 - I'm closer to 10.5. If that was something to be proud of - I'd high five you in cyberspace. Sadly, it's not.

So to recap. What have we learned? 1. Don't set goals that involve numbers - just in case you get confused. (This years goal is to increase exercise. Yeah sticker chart.) 2. It appears that the small - though very good for me-exercise that I have been doing on my break time at work (in the free fitness center, I know, don't yell at me) has paid off in some regard - just not on the scale. 3. I'm carrying approximately 11 children worth of fat! (that will give me nightmares) 4. Little changes do matter and they inspire bigger changes. 5. Use the resources that you have and build on the things you are already doing well.

Next year, I plan on this post being titled "How I Rock - Officially with Data and Everything!" Until then...

Ignore the Woman Behind the Green Curtain

You know what I'm learning about how to have a successful weight loss blog? It helps if the author is actually losing weight. I mean, would you check in to get financial advice from someone who lived on the streets? Would you listen to a "relationship expert" currently on his fifth marriage? Probably not.

Yet here you are, reading my post anyway. Despite the backwards motion happening on my ticker these days. Bless you. Maybe this isn't so much a "weight loss" blog as a forum for sharing our struggles.

So, these are my excuses reasons for what's happened. It's not an excuse. It's just the facts about what's been going on, and the results don't lie.

For one thing, Saturday was my birthday. And you know, you have to celebrate on your birthday, right? Calories don't count if it's your birthday? So, I went overboard there. Also, I had to work that same day. Had to work early. And I hadn't slept well the night before. And there was free food. Free Krispy Kreme donuts, free chocolate chip cookies, free popcorn. Lunch was even on the company dime.

I've learned that certain things don't mix well for me and my weight loss success. Being tired and stressed is a surefire way to find myself overindulging in sugar, fat, and caffeine. I know it's not right. I know a nice healthy snack of an apple and peanut butter would probably do more for my energy level. (Or just sleeping to begin with, but whatever.) But when I'm in that situation, exhausted and knowing I have a looooong day ahead, it seems like the best way to survive the day is a giant diet soda and some chocolate.

Plus, you know, it's been raining. So, I haven't walked for three days. (Ignore the treadmill behind the green curtain also.) X and I came home from buying groceries yesterday, and I lamented how we just couldn't walk today since it was pouring. About that time I looked up and saw two of my neighbor ladies walking down the road, as they do twice a day every day, both carrying umbrellas. I have an umbrella. I still didn't walk yesterday.

I did in fact have four "perfect days" in a row, where I followed my plan exactly. Then I had three days in a row where I did nothing. Missed my vitamin, didn't drink a drop of water, I mean, it was sad.

So, there you have it. This is why I find myself another year older, and not a pound lighter. Oh, and I have PMS. Which is a whole other excuse reason.

What is Your Real Weigh Loss Goal?

I went to yoga tonight. It was awesome, but wow, I could sure tell I hadn't been for three weeks! The flexibility, strength, and balance were not up to my normal levels (which aren't fabulous anyway!). But still, it felt really good to go, and I am still super relaxed an hour later.

I heard somebody speak once about goals, and he/she (I honestly can't remember who on earth it was, but it's a common idea anyway) instructed us to think of something we want (like to lose 40 pounds). Then, think about how you think you'll feel once you have that. Your real goal is that you want to feel like that. Not necessarily the thing you think is going to make you feel that way.

So, this came to mind the other day, and I got to thinking, what feeling(s) do I truly want that I think losing weight/getting healthy/increasing my fitness is going to get me?

Of course, I'm human, and I tend to focus on the surface things first. If I were thinner, I'd look better. My clothes would fit. I'd enjoy shopping. I would imagine people would see me and think, "Wow! She's gorgeous!" (as opposed to, "Wow! Her boobs are HUGE!") So, the feeling at the root of wanting all that is, I want to feel confident in myself. And honestly, there are probably a lot of ways I can work toward achieving that which don't necessarily have anything to do with weight. Though they'd probably have an interesting side effect in that if I felt more confidence, I'd want to take better care of myself.

A more under the surface reason I want to get healthy is to have more energy. I want to wake up in the morning full of energy and excited about the day ahead (which, admittedly, may just not be within my DNA regardless of my weight!). At least, I'd like to have more energy once I get up and going. I want to feel like I can take a short walk, carry a heavy object, bend over, etc... without getting winded.

With this in mind, I'm trying to focus on my energy level throughout the day, and to think about certain activities, situations, and people that increase my energy or deplete it.

Yesterday, about halfway through my walk, listening to peppy music on the Ipod, I felt energetic. I made a mental note.

Today, during my walk, I felt like a slug. Just prior to this walk, I had eaten a huge serving of mashed potatoes that tasted yummy, but were actually oozing butter. I'm not kidding. Not like a pat of butter on top. A scoop of potatoes on my plate, and I could see butter seeping out of them. I'm thinking this could be one reason for my lethargic feeling.

Anyway, something to think about. I know I will continue to think about what I truly want from living a healthier lifestyle, and to take note of things that seem to help or hinder my efforts.

What about you? What is your real weight loss goal? How do you truly want to feel?

Fessing Up

Okay, dear blogger friends I'm going to fess up. The reason I haven't been posting is because my diet is NOT going well. We did promise to post in good times and bad and this is my bad. Literally. First of all, the weight I lost has somehow managed to find me again. In all honesty I don't know how. I've really tried to eat better. Probably not as good as I should be but not enough to gain five pound in two days. Really makes me wonder about my body. I don't know how I do it.
My workout regime has not been great but it hasn't been bad either. I mean I don't sit on my ass all day and night. I actually do walk at least 3 days a week and play with my six year old son which gives me a good workout and if you knew my six year old son you would understand how much energy it takes to keep up with him. At any rate, tomorrow is a new day and I will keep trying. We got our ellipital machine at home fixed, finally, after being broke for 4 months. So, my new workout regime is going to include working out on it every morning for 20 minutes and every evening for 30 minutes. (At least five days a week)My non-meat is not going well. Mostly because we had our annual Murder Mystery Party on Saturday and my husband made ham. We have a lot of ham leftovers so I've been eating ham on a daily basis since Saturday. As soon as the ham is gone I will get back to a non-meat eating diet. Water is going okay. Although I didn't do well today at all with it but most days I'm doing anywhere between 40-60oz a day. So, now you know where I've been. Hopefully next time you hear from me I'll have more positive things to say. Thanks for sticking around and reading about my lack of accomplishments but I will perservere!

Making Healthy Choices

Okay, I tried my first of the new Healthy Choice meals, Tomato Basil Penne, and I must admit, I'm not a fan. Inordinant amount of onions if you ask me. I had it for lunch, and I can still taste them. I don't like onions much though, so if you're an onion eater, try it and go wild.

However, my Wal-mart now has these meals for $1.68, and with my $2 coupons, I'm actually getting paid to eat them. So I bought another one today. This time Mediterranean Pasta. I'll let you know how that goes. It has something crazy like 12 grams of fiber.

I've been doing well with my goals. I've only missed one day of walking in the last week. And I'm doing better eating my fruit. I don't know if I can call it another "step" but I've also started taking a B complex vitamin (supposed to boost energy, help metabolism, and improve symptoms of carpal tunnel syndrome, which I do have very mildly). I'm also taking a fish oil supplement.

I'm doing the push ups and crunches about every three days. I can't tell much in my arms, but my abs are sore like all the time. I'm up to 75 crunches on the ball. My push ups have not increased at all, but honestly, I think my form was crap at the start, and now I'm focusing more on that. So, probably doing fewer correctly is more important anyway.

Kathy couldn't walk with me today, so I hit the track on my own. I even did a couple trips up and down the bleachers. I'm sure my thighs will scream tomorrow.


Most Awesome Song I Heard While Working Out "The Rumour" by Olivia Newton-John. LOVE this song. I love Olivia, regardless, but this is a little known gem of hers that always gets me in a good mood. Elton John wrote it. It's fabulous. If you're not familiar, click on the link and you can listen to a snippet. The video is adorable too. It won't let me embed it, so click here to see.

(Almost) Free Healthy Choice Dinners!

I'm feeling a bit better than I was last week after my weigh-in. Today I'm down 1.2 lbs. and my body fat percentage went down a hair also. I felt like I did really well this week. I walked every day, had my fruit most days, drank my water, took my vitamins.

It is probably about time to add another Baby Step to my regimen, but I still don't quite feel like I've mastered the ones I'm doing, so I'm holding off. And I'm not entirely sure which step to add. I generally eat a lot of vegetables anyway, so I'm good there. I don't eat a lot of meat. I eat salmon, tuna, beans, nuts, chicken, those healthier protein options, more often than any other meat already. I only drink skim milk. I can start going to yoga again this week since my long string of working Thursday evenings ended, so that will be good for me I'm sure. I've missed it a lot.

So, if anyone has a brilliant idea for my next Baby Step, let me know. Polls close at noon next Saturday.

Thought I'd share also, I posted the link to the $2 off Healthy Choice coupon earlier. I've discovered that you can, in fact, print off more than one coupon. It'll let you. Plus, it's $2 off ONE Healthy Choice frozen meal. Not like when you get $1 off and think that's awesome, only to realize it's $1 off FIVE. My Wal-mart usually has the HC meals for $2.50, so this is darn near getting them free! Yay!