Rude

My step-mother is evil.  I've told you this before.  But she reinforces it every damn time I see her or speak to her.  It happened again the other day.

I had to see my dad and her for Christmas.  Which is a horrible way to look at it.  "Had to."  But it's the truth.  If I could see my dad without her, it might turn into "get to."

Anyway, within about five minutes, she made a comment about how fat I am.  And asked how my diet is going.  I responded, "I am not on a diet.  But I am fine, thanks for asking."

Bitch.

Seriously, I've lost three pants sizes since they saw me last.  Could you maybe give me a compliment on the way I look?   No, she can't.  Kind words are not in her vocabulary.

Not to even get into that I've been through HELL in the last year.  Recovering from a miscarriage,  then struggling with infertility, two grandparents' suicide attempts, one ultimately dying, my fiance leaving me, job uncertainty.  So yeah, thanks for your concern.

And what's worse is, I know I'm doing well.  I know I look good.  I know I'm doing things that are good for me, mentally and physically.

But she makes this comment, and all I want to do is eat.  Well, maybe eat and drink.  But mostly eat.

It doesn't help that I have major PMS right now.  But ever since seeing them, I've been eating worse, and I've had to force myself to do even the smallest amount of exercise.  And it's the holidays.  And maybe I'm just full of excuses.

I swear, I'll feel better soon.  And dammit, I still look good in those skinny jeans.

Skinny Jeans Take Two

So back in October I wrote a post about trying on a pair of skinny jeans.  I had been wearing 16's for a very short time, and these were 14's.  I decided not to buy them, because I reasoned that before I could really wear them, I'd be in an even smaller size.

I bought a pair of skinny jeans this weekend.  In a 10.  TEN.  Granted, they are very stretchy, but still.  I haven't worn anything with a 10 on it in probably 6 years.

I still haven't stepped on a scale yet.  I know I'm doing well.  People are telling me they can see the change.  Friends, complete strangers.  I think my coat is too big.  Anyway, I have this fear of stepping on the scale and not liking the number and going into a complete tailspin.  So, I still haven't done it.

I also haven't actually worn the jeans yet.  But hopefully I will very soon. 

My Year (Almost) Without McDonald's

Well, folks.  It's November.  And I've spent most of the year in hiding- hiding from my scale, hiding under baggy clothes, hiding from you.  And while many people are entering the season of "to hell with my diet, let's enjoy the holidays and hit the healthy train in January".  I find myself finally getting around to being serious about my weight loss. The year continues to find my scale creeping to a point of new horrors - beyond my pregnancy weight.  I've not been super active on any regular basis.  I've not been in overdrive about feeding my face, but I've not been crunching the numbers either.  

Has anything gone right?

Well,  one thing.  Back in January, my husband and I both secretly made a silent resolution to not eat at McDonald's.  One year without the golden arches.  It's not that we LOVE Mickey D's.  It's just that it is our easy - go to - starting to feel sick -and really needs some salty food - meal.  With the intro of their $1 menu - we could feed the family a sackful of poison for a small bill.  

Anyway, we had both been talking about how we eat there too much.  About how the food doesn't live up to our "memory" of how good it USED to taste.  And about how we feel like crap after we eat it.  So we both set up this idea that it was "off limits" for 2012.  In my personal resolution- I built in 2 "cheats".  I figured if I went from eating there a few times a month to two times a year that would be a marked improvement AND if I fell off the wagon - it would not be an instant fail with permission to relapse for the rest of the year.

So as of this date - I am happy to report that we have only eaten there 1 time--and it was breakfast. (And it was horrible enough that we have not even since spoken of doing it again.)  Fry free.  No nuggets.  No McChickens.  And seriously, every time we've had that salty craving - we've been able to satisfy it with a healthier alternative.  (For the record, we've also only had Burger King 1 time this year.)

So while my success list will be short for health goal in 2012.  At least I can put this on in the win column.  

Inappropriate (?) Compliment

I was out for my walk today, and I saw an elderly neighbor toddling out to his mailbox with his cane.  As I approached him, I popped my earbuds out so I could say hello.  Keep in mind, I've never said more than, "Hello," to this man.  In fact, I've probably only waved before.  And he was old.  Like walking with a cane old.

He turned to me after I said, "Hello," and he said, "Say, that walking is helping you!  You're looking gooooooood!"

Ummmm....thanks?

I mean, it was a compliment, I'm sure, but it was inappropriate on so many levels.  Like, I don't know this person at all.  And there's an implied, "You looked like hell before," in comments like this.

Whatever.  Apparently I'm looking goooooood.  Might have to step on the scale soon.

Huevos Rancheros Spaghetti

I haven't posted a recipe in a long time, but I tried this one last week and loved it.  Now that I'm living alone, I'm focusing more on what I really want to eat.  I'm finding that it doesn't involve much meat, and I actually feel a lot better when I don't eat meat.  So, here's a yummy vegetarian recipe I adapted a little from O Magazine.

10 ounces spaghetti (I used Barilla Thin Spaghetti, and I recommend a "healthier" pasta option, whether whole grain, or whatever.  Also, this is a bit less pasta than the original recipe called for.  I thought it was way too much pasta and not enough other stuff when I made it the first time.)
1 1/2 cups frozen corn
1 1/2 cups canned black beans, rinsed and drained
1/2 cup chopped green onions
3 eggs (original recipe called for 4)
salt and pepper to taste
1 1/2 cups salsa, plus more for garnish
3/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese, plus more for garnish

In a large pot, cook pasta according to package directions.  In the last three minutes of cooking, add corn, black beans, and green onion.

In a separate skillet, scramble eggs with some salt and pepper.  I used cooking spray instead of oil.  (The original recipe says to fry the eggs and put them on top of the pasta, but I prefer them scrambled and mixed in with the pasta mixture.)

When pasta is finished, drain, reserving about 3/4 cup of pasta water.  Return to big pan.  Add pasta water, egg, salsa, and cheese.  Add extra salsa and cheese to top of each serving.  (Makes 4 servings)

Skinny Jeans

I was at a work function this week and found myself wearing pants that were ginormously too big for me.  Which is kind of a cool thing, except that I was traveling, so I didn't have any other pants, or a belt, or anything.  And at one point I decided to look and see what size the pants were, thinking that they must be a 14, and isn't this awesome that they're so big on me?!

Well, they were a 16.  Which made me think, wtf, when did I ever buy a 16 to begin with?!  And darn tooting they're too big, they'd BETTER be!

But whatever, the point is, they used to fit me.  And now they're huge.

So, I ended up at JC Penney looking for some new clothes, and I decided to try on a pair of "skinny jeans."  I have shunned this particular fashion trend, thinking I was too short and/or fat to look good in them.

I was wrong.  Or at least I am now.  Because they actually looked pretty good.  And I tried them on with a silky, off the shoulder top that I would never have even picked up, except it was on clearance. 

I stood there in the dressing room looking at my new hot self and debated whether to buy the outfit.  Ultimately, I decided that my current life offers very little opportunity to wear skinny jeans and a slinky top.  Because I can't wear denim for work, and well... the rest of the time I'm in sweats.

For now.

That was a decidedly third date outfit.  And ultimately, I realized that by the time I'm going on a third date, I will probably be an even smaller size.  And this would have been an entirely wasted purchase.

But it wasn't a waste of time.  Because, I'm telling you, I looked hot in that outfit.  And I needed to see that right now.

This is New

My underwear is too big.

I haven't weighed since I've been on this new health kick, because I know that derails me.  I can be on a super path, doing all the right things, and then I'll step on the scale, get discouraged, and stop.

So I purposely haven't done it.  The doctor weighed me back in July, and I was horrified at the number.  Higher than it had ever been in my life.  I adjusted my little ticker accordingly the other day, but I haven't stepped on a scale since.

I haven't really noticed a lot of difference in my clothes, but then that could be because I work from home and tend to wear sweats about 95% of the time.  (Herein may lie part of the original problem.)  But I did have to buy a couple new pairs of shorts for a trip this summer, because none of my shorts fit me.  In a bad way.  And as summer drew to a close, those new shorts were getting looser.

But those were, like, fat shorts anyway.  They don't count.  They had damn well better be loose.

Then the other day suddenly I realized my freakin' underwear was too big!  Like to the point that in the middle of the day I took them off, threw them away, and put on a different pair.  I thought it might be a fluke, but it happened again today.

I guess it's a good problem to have.  Maybe one day soon I'll step on the scale and see what's what.  And go shopping for new underwear.